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Sexy versus Stanky7/24/2007

One question should be on your mind when you look in the mirror. 

"Am I sexy or am I stanky?"


Ladies, for this "sexy versus stanky"  exercise I’ll need you to go to your closet and pull out your favorite top, jeans, pants, skirt, shorts, shoes and bathing suit.  You’ll also need a full length mirror.

Let’s start with the tops…

The sexy top gracefully grazes your abdomen and should keep men wondering whether your bellybutton is an “innie” or an “outie.”

The stanky top lets everyone know when you are bloated and probably has a slogan on it that advertises just how many drinks it’ll take to take you home. 

Sexy is a top that bares a little shoulder or collar bone.  The sexy top should gently hug your floppies and fully conceal your bra and nipples. 

The stanky top shows so much cleavage that babies get hungry the moment you walk into the room.  It’s so sheer that not only do we know when you are cold, but we can tell if you’ve got bumpy areolas! 

Now to the jeans and pants…

Sexy is a pair of jeans that flatter your body type and leave you feeling comfortable and confident.

Stanky is the pair of jeans so tight that they squeeze your midsection like a clown making balloon animals!  Wouldn't you rather look like a lady than look like a tube of toothpaste?  

Sexy describes the low-rise jeans that show off the gentle curve of your hip.

Stanky are the super low-rise jeans that show off your panties and your stretch marks.

Knit pants that cascade gracefully over your tummy, hips and thighs are sexy.

Pants that make your cellulite look like you are smuggling potatoes out of the grocery store are stanky!

A sexy skirt can show off nice knees and toned calves.

The skanky skirt shows off the exit strategy for your first-born child.   Back that thang up to a full-length mirror!  Next, bend over to touch your toes.  If you can see panties, butt cheeks or a body part they can't show on basic cable, then your skirt is stanky!

A slit in the skirt, about halfway up the thigh can be sexy. 

A slit in the skirt that shows everyone where the good Lord split ya? Stanky!

Shorts worn with flat shoes can be sexy.

Short Shorts worn with four inch heels are teetering on stanky.

Strappy stilettos, sling-backs and classy high-heel pumps are sexy.

Stanky shoes lace up to your knee and are so high that you nearly break your ankle when try to run from the cops.  The cops will be patrolling your corner soon if you don't stop wearing those sky high platforms.   Four inch heels say sexy.  6 inch heels say, “meet me in the V-I-P room for a private dance!”

Actually wearing a real bathing suit is sexy, no matter what the size.  Confidence alone is sexy!   No matter what it is that you hate about your body, you will find a man searching the internet to see a body part just like yours only naked!  It’s all good!

Stanky is when you hop in the pool in your white t-shirt or you simply strip down to your underwear to go for a swim.  That is a very stanky maneuver.  

A one-piece bathing suit with a halter top and plunging back can be just as sexy as a bikini.

A bikini top worn too small is just stanky.

A bikini bottom with full bottom coverage is sexy.

The thong is always stanky wrong.

A few wisps of hair peeking out from under your sun hat are sexy.

A few wisps of hair peeking out from anything else you wear to the beach?  STANKY!