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Gray Power: Putting Q-tips on a Pedestal8/24/2006

In many cultures the elder of the tribe is considered wise! People should look up to Q-tips because unlike youngsters, we’ve managed to hang around a long time. If you want to be above ground in twenty years, then you should give us some respect so that we will clue you in on some survival skills.

The problem is that between the government and people too foolish to recognize our worth, cougars like me may become an endangered species. We need to turn this situation around.

Medicare Part D is a stinking sham! The “D” stands for destructive, disgraceful, dishonorable, disjointed, defective and DAMN DUMB! I am here to publicly decry it because it is dung! That’s another “D” that describes Medicare Part “D,” DUNG! Any politician who thinks it is good for the golden age citizens of the United States needs to be pelted with dung and killed for stinking. The people who loved you, raised you, taught you, healed you and/or hired you need medical care! Medicare Part D is the best you have to offer? Seniors were rushed to sign up by May 15, 2006 and if we couldn't make sense of it by then, we faced a late penalty? The low co-pay for generic drugs doesn't do much for many Q-tips like me who are taking meds for which no generic substitution is offered. I have other issues with Medicare Part "Dung," but I'll save that rant for another time.

Next I need to talk to the guys who are too lazy to give up seats on the airport shuttle or bus so that golden age citizens can rest their feet! Shame on you! My feet have been on the job for nearly 66 years and your 25-year-old feet can’t help them out? There should be no waiting area where there are able-bodied people under the age of 60 chilling out while 60-plus people are leaning on their walkers for support. Act like you are thankful that God gave you working legs and let me sit my tired cougar behind down!

Some people drive like they want to run senior citizens off the road! Unless the government is going to create a senior limo program, then I’ll be driving. Thank you very much. You don’t have to worry about me, because this Q-tip has a hemi, and I am not afraid to use it! Smart drivers over the age of 65 respect the fact that their reflexes aren’t as fast as they used to be. So, they slow down to compensate. Get over it, speed demon. If you are in so much of a rush that you have to blow your horn at a senior citizen, then you should’ve left earlier! Here are your choices: drive Miss Daisy or get the heck out of her way.

Show some appreciation for grandma the baby-sitter too. Do you know how much nannies get paid? If some of us grandmothers got a dollar for each minute we spend watching your children and a dollar back for all the toys and clothes we buy, then we’d be living in the mansion next door to the Walmart family instead of the assisted living facility.

Why does everybody have a special spot at the grocery store except the seniors? We eat too! Somebody’s buying the prune juice and the Ensure. Pregnant women get a parking spot and women with children get a parking spot. Employee of the month and cashier of the quarter get spaces close to the front door too. I have walked every single day since I was one! I have walked 365 days a year for over 65 years. Would it kill a store to give the senior citizens a spot next to the stock-boy of the century?

There are some stores that do hook the seniors up. Many stores and movie theaters give us discounts. But every store and mall should do something to make the elders feel special! Can I get a 5% discount from the time the store opens until around noon so that I don’t have to make a choice between buying a Christmas present for my grandson and buying the Singulair I need to take for my asthma? I’ll put it like this to make it more personal for you: before Thanksgiving dinner do you want your dear, sweet granny to make a choice between buying ingredients for her potato salad or Depends to protect your couch? Is that what you want?

While I’m talking about it, Depends, denture cleaners and over-the-counter joint cream should be free for people 65 and older. Why should your granddad have to pay for that? It should be a given that grandpa has a clean bottom, reasonably fresh breath and he should be able to bend his legs. That is NOT to much to ask.

Power to the Q-tips!