Wheezy's Wit:
Gardening Tips to Grow a Better Relationship

11/6/2007

Gardening Tip Number 1
Ignoring our garden will allow weeds to choke out whatever you are trying to grow. You may need a half-hour to decompress after work. You may need time to help with homework and get the kids ready for bed. Thatís no excuse for ignoring your spouse the whole darn day! At the very least you should fake a pleasant greeting when he or she walks through the door. Take a few minutes to get yourself together and then give your spouse 10 minutes of your undivided attention. Train your kids to give mommy and daddy a break. Send them to their rooms for 10 minutes of quiet time. Late at night when the kids are asleep go for a second 10 minute connection. Make this your minimum no matter what is going on in your lives. If you travel a lot for your job, you can do this over the phone. Heck, you give your boss a minimum of 8 hours a day and your boss probably wonít rub your back after a long day or wash your crusty underpants! 20 minutes a day shouldn't be too much to give the man or woman you married.

Gardening Tip Number 2
Don't forget to water your garden. Forgetfulness is the enemy of a good marriage. It just looks like you donít care enough to remember the things that are important to your spouse. Let your partner know when something is important to you. Remind him about birthdays and anniversaries. When you know an issue is important ask some questions to show youíre interested. Here's a good one, "Honey, what would you like for your birthday?" The more details you know, the more likely that you'll remember his or her big news.

Gardening Tip Number 3
Prune off dead weight. If video games and new shoes are causing you problems it may be time to re-examine your priorities. Compromise is the name of the game. If cutting back on your hobby will make your spouse happier then start pruning! What's more important? Is it beating your high score or making your woman happy. If you make growing a good marriage your priority then a little monthly pruning will make your plant much healthier. Prune enough to give your spouse two full days per month of care and consideration.

Gardening Tip Number 4
Stop listening to amateur gardeners. They donít really know what theyíre talking about. Your friends who are unhappily brother and your single friends might have a lot to say about your relationship, but is it good advice? Theyíll have you slinging manure right and left and all youíll have left of your marriage is a pile of bull stink!

Gardening Tip Number 5
Do not over-fertilize. Too much manure will kill your marriage. Your woman doesnít need your commentary on her new diet. You donít need to remind your hard-working husband about the things that your friends buy! Be grateful that your spouse is still hanging around! The stench of a bull stink attitude will drive anybody away!

Gardening Tip Number 6
Share your love of gardening with your spouse. This can mean freezing your floppies off at a football game or wandering through the rows of freshly planted clothes at the mall. Take an interest in your partnerís passion. It might just have a positive effect. They might get a better understanding of what your hobby means to you and they might hate it so much that theyíll gladly send you to the mall or ballpark with your best pal instead.

Gardening Tip Number 7
Donít wait for the leaves to turn brown before you take action. If you put off using my gardening tips too long, your plant might wind up too far gone to save. Pull out the hose and water regularly. If you keep the soil moist and itíll be much easier to plant your seeds!

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